My First Big-Time Marketing Lunch

On Friday, I had a meeting I’d been looking forward to for weeks–my first totally-professional, big-time, check-me-out marketing lunch with Awesome Agent and Excellent Editor. But in truth, I’ve been looking forward to it all my life.

I’ve probably imagined having The Lunch with The People in The Business hundreds of times. The details change, but the gist is always the same. I walk in, am quickly ushered to the best table by fawning waiters who are throwing rose petals in my path, and sit down to a gold-plated table topped with fine china and crystal goblets–one of which I’m asked to quickly toss to the ground and shatter in order to honor the wait staff. Rather than menus, a series of small boys take turns reciting item by item the food I am to be offered. I indicate anything I dislike by cracking an egg over the head of the small boy who offered it to me.

The People with whom I am dining all grovel for my attention, sometimes devolving into mini-sword fights with the utensils for the right to speak to me. Anyone inadvertently killed via fork or spoon is dragged away, so that I am not inconvenienced by the sight of blood. The food arrives on the backs of Tibetan Sherpas, and we get down to business–The People reveal their marketing plan for my book. It involves a world-wide tour incorporating paparazzi, lavish meals, and a guest spot on Game of Thrones. I approve their ideas and head home, satisfied that I have finally been taken seriously as an author.

Turns out, I got a few details wrong.

I met up with Awesome Agent and Excellent Editor at a nice restaurant, we ordered food from printed menus rather than the vocal stylings of small boys, and I got the basic low-down of what the publisher handles (contacting reviewers, media, booksellers, and so on) and what the author handles (everything else). So I have a to-do list.

  • Build a new website
  • Start using Twitter
  • Post on Facebook more often
  • Develop a School Visit plan
  • Make connections with anyone and everyone you can
  • Be ready to cold-call hundreds of libraries and schools and book stores
  • Do whatever it takes to have, like, 100,000 followers before the book is published in August

So I’ve got some work to do. But having that first meeting was really cool.

And I’m on Twitter! Follow me! @MrDavidNeilsen

I promise to Tweet.

Author: neilsendavid

Author of Dr. Fell and the Playground of Doom and Beyond the Doors.

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